Whoever said the best things in life are free was lying. At least most San Franciscans are finding or are about to find that some of their guiltiest pleasures are about to get even pricier.

San Francisco has its own addiction: taxes. But it isn't doing anyone any good or getting to the roots of the problems they pretend to solve. With a slew of taxes and fees being proposed over the last couple of years -- cigarettes, soda and alcohol, to name a few -- you would think the city would be rolling in mountains of cash and that all of its citizens would be skinny, sober and smoke-free.

Think again. The economic times that are bad enough to warrant a laundry list of proposed taxes and fees are also bad enough to keep people drowning their sorrows in the worst ways. Most people never even heard the word "furlough" until this year, and as city employees have had to take these unpaid days off, city officials started rolling out the fees.

They might deserve a round of applause for the creativity that went into their proposals, but they'll get no gold stars for logic or practicality.

For instance, the 20 cent cigarette fee that went into effect on Oct. 1 is supposed to generate revenue for cigarette butt cleanup. Creative reasoning: Punish those who are contributing to the litter. Logical hole: Twenty cents won't break most smokers' banks and they're still probably going to litter anyway. And on that note, why not punish all the other litterbugs out there? Chewing gum fee? Muni transfer fee?

And good luck, parents, when you have to face your kids -- or look in the mirror -- and explain that drinking soda increases health risks and is costing more money. Creative reasoning: Soda packs in the high-fructose corn syrup, which can lead to obesity when consumed in large amounts. Logical hole: Corn syrup isn't the only obesity-inducing culprit, just as smokers aren't the only litterbugs.

Everyone knows that the sole intent of these financial impositions is to try to collect some sort of revenue -- whether it's to lessen the city's estimated $438 million deficit for the 2009 - 2010 fiscal year, clean up litter or fight obesity. But anyone who argues for the added benefits of actually encouraging healthier lifestyles might want to stop holding their breath.