Who is this strange person suddenly sharing your home? Eating your food? Using your towels?
A new roommate can become a best friend or a mortal enemy; some may end up being both. But by having good communication and following a few simple guidelines, students sharing a living space can avoid trouble and help keep the household peaceful.

"The golden rule is to have the awkward conversations now (before problems start)," said Margaret Rothe, area coordinator for the Towers at Centennial Square and Science and Technology Theme Community. "If you can make rules before you need rules, you’ll be a lot better off."

“My roommate and I talked by e-mail and phone before moving in together,” said SF State freshman Megan Lehn, who admitted that knowing your roommate prior to meeting them can take pressure off of the situation. “You have to be able to communicate and know each other’s boundaries.”

The SF State Housing and Residential Services Apartment Living Agreement provides guidelines to enforce the idea of roommates meeting prior to living together, so that students can discuss and plan out everything from cleaning responsibilities to privacy issues.

Mary Park Hall resident and freshman, Ashleigh Rhineheart, said she believes students can benefit from knowledge of roommates beforehand.

“Moving into the dorms, the biggest thing I was afraid of was getting a terrible roommate who’s not well matched with my personality. I was really looking for diversity in my roommate. I didn’t want someone who’s just like me. I want to broaden my experiences and meet new friends,” she said.

At the Towers, roommates must fill out a Roommate Preference Form where they will disclose whether they smoke or drink, how they sleep, and whether they are social, reclusive, quiet or loud.

Liberal studies major and former SF State roommate of three, Marissa Marks, said she feels such agreements are ineffective.

"I think written rules are a little too militaristic,” she said. "I have a problem with messy people, but some people are messy and an agreement isn’t going to change that.

“It’s hard but I’d rather talk about things, tell the person what bugs me and be understanding about what the other person’s lifestyle is as well."

But even with a basic framework of rules in place, many roommates will find something to argue about.

With males, arguments are often over cleanliness and natural things that "we’d do if we lived by ourselves," Rothe said.

Females often vent to friends about their roommates, and leave notes to avoid confrontation, which Rothe strongly advises against.

"You’re making it a conflict by avoiding the conversation," she said. "And your note could be the nicest note, ‘Please. I still love you. Kisses.’ It does not matter. It’s still a note."

Several SF State roommates admit that the worst sort of conflicts that may result between roommates stem from intimate interactions between their roommates and others.

“The worst thing a roommate could do is if she brought home different guys each night. I think I’d have to move!” said Emma Hall, a new resident to Mary Park Hall.

Hall’s roommate and fellow SF state student Allison Grandy agreed.

“That would be awful,” she said. “It would be something I would never do. It [having sex] would be gross because your roommate sleeps five feet away from you,” she said.

Sexuality in general, is something that roommates should discuss because "we are all coming here with very different levels of experience," Rothe said. "We have to recognize that and make room for it."

Roommates also need to recognize that all people are going to want their own space at times. Many students may not know anyone their first year at a university, so it’s natural for them to latch on to roommates, but "it’s okay to say ‘I met new friends’ or ‘I need some alone time," Rothe said.

"What is not okay is to just completely ditch your roommate.

"No one’s going to know how you feel unless you tell them. People aren’t mind readers."

Luckily, there are helpful techniques that can be used to help the flow of communication.

Marc Martin, a speech and communications professor who teaches a course in conflict resolution at SF State, suggests that when a person is getting on another’s nerves, they need to find out what it is about the other person that is bothering them and why.

"You can’t change other people, but you can change yourself," he said. "People end up talking past each other as opposed to talking to each other. Use I messages.”

“We always say, ‘you always piss me off,’ or ‘you do this all the time. Instead of doing that, say, ‘I feel badly when you do such and such.’ Sit down with them and tell them how you’re being affected by what they are doing or not doing."

Confronting new roommates on campus may be hard, but confronting friends off campus may be even harder.

In San Francisco, the closest thing off-campus residents have to Resident Assistants is Community Boards, a nonprofit agency specializing in neighborhood mediation.

Martin, who has been involved with Community Boards for 25 years, suggests it as a way for off campus roommates to solve problems.

Community Boards has 400 trained volunteer mediators who meet with disputing parties and offer services in various languages, free of charge. The organization can help with roommate problems, neighbor pet problems, noisy neighbors and landlord and tenant disputes.

In the end, whether on campus or off campus it is important to remember to be honest and open and to treat roommates how you would want to be treated, according to roommates.

Besides, as according to SF State freshman, Jenna Betterly,

“It’s not like your roommate is going to be outright mean to you,”

“You’re both scared of the whole freshman experience, and are going through it together.

“Basically, you’re each other’s security.”

Once roommates realize that, the home will be a happier place for all.