Though millions of Americans enjoy watching aspiring singers get pummeled with criticism by the likes of a ghetto-fied Randy, an inebriated Paula and the infamous sourpuss Simon on the hit show ‘American Idol,” 42-year-old Mark Tyne felt it was time for some change.

“I’ve never really enjoyed open mikes,” said Tyne. “The judges tend to pick all the bland, safe stuff and the edgy acts get neglected.”

Tyne felt that “American Idol” was also stricken by this same problem and thus was the motivation behind creating Miss American Fido.

Miss American Fido is a spoof on “American Idol” sprinkled with the spontaneity of an open-mic contest and with the sole purpose of finding the worst act in San Francisco.

Since November of last year, Tyne has been hosting these horrible showcases every last Thursday of the month in the Mission district’s Darkroom Theatre. Some of the showcases include Worst Comedian, Worst Magician and Worst Stripper.

February's show proved to be his worst show yet. Outside, rain showered over the empty streets of the Mission, but Tyne sat fervently at his table in the small lobby of the theater, awaiting the arrival of potential guests and performers for the worst musician contest.

It was 8 o’clock, show time, and only two of the neatly stacked programs were missing.

“The rain must have scared everyone else away,” said Tyne as he finally rose from his seat. He assured that past shows had seen better crowds but sometimes it’s just “farm and crickets.”

But even though no performers showed up, the show still went on. And as the farmer himself took center stage, the two lone crickets sat front row awaiting the catastrophe that would pervade their eyes and ears for the next half-hour.

“I didn’t know what to expect,” said 22-year-old Kate Oca, one of the two audience members present. “I was just surprised that a man of his size didn’t break through that tiny stage.”

Like a child performing in his room for no one but his teddy bears, Tyne sent his inhibitions out the door as he embraced his rhythmically challenged routine. His numerous attempts to tap dance failed atrociously and the fact that he lip-synced to his own prerecorded songs was beyond commentary.

Tyne, aside from being a horrible dancer, is the music director for both San Francisco theater groups Primitive Screwheads and Tossing Alice, which is startling considering the lyrics to the Miss American Fido closing theme were as impressive as his tap skills: “I hope that you had some fun / And I hope that you were not the only one / When the day rolls to an end / I hope that you have some fun again.”

With that, the show was over. The music ceased, Tyne and his shiny tap shoes jumped off the stage, and as loud as two pairs of hands can be, the room was filled with wholehearted applause. Interestingly enough, the show stunk to such extremes that it had actually crossed over to becoming incomparably brilliant.

For more information and show dates for Miss American Fido go to www.amfido.com