When Kathleen Crandall and her partner of 10 years split up, they agreed they would continue to co-parent their two daughters. After about four years of co-parenting, Crandall says her partner, Lisa Wagner, declined Crandall visitation rights. Crandall then began to fight for her kids in every way possible. But $500,000 in legal fees and almost a decade later, a court ruling denied Crandall custody because she is not the children’s biological parent.

Custody battles and child support issues can be devastating for all parties involved. But for children of same-sex couples it can be especially tricky. Legal jurisdiction has barely begun to recognize gay and lesbian relationships, making it difficult to establish their parental responsibilities. This can be problematic, especially in the Bay Area, where there are an estimated 92,000 cohabitating same-sex couples, 32.3 percent of whom have children, according to the 2000 census.

Agonizing court battles have left both same-sex parents and their children at a loss for clear-cut legal equality, until now. On August 22, 2005, the California Supreme Court ruled that if two same-sex parents raise a child together, even if they separate, both parents not only have the same right to maintain relationships with the children, but are court-ordered to pay child support. The court’s ruling held that: “A person who actively participates in bringing children into the world, takes the children into her home and holds them out as her own, and receives and enjoys the benefits of parenthood, should be responsible for the support of those children—regardless of her gender or sexual orientation."

Courtney Joslin, a senior staff attorney with the National Center for Lesbian Rights in San Francisco, was part of the legal team that brought one of the three winning cases to the Supreme Court. “This was a tremendous victory for the parents and the children involved,” Joslin says. “Hopefully other states will follow California’s example.”

In the end, children always suffer from the loss of a parent. This is what Crandall is most concerned about. “Kids always know who both their parents are,” says Crandall, who still is devastated by the loss. “I exhausted every way possible to see them again. What mattered to me most is that they knew I didn’t abandon them.”