Zeandre Smith* sits atop a speaker to the left of the stage where female strippers are working hard for dollars. His blue RocaWear sunglasses catch sparkles of silver disco balls and a rainbow of lights beaming above him. He is immaculately dressed in a red, blue and white striped RocaWear collared shirt, creased, baggy denim pants and spotless all-white Air Force Ones. An oversized, furry-hooded black jacket hangs from his shoulders as he shakes his dreadlocks to the beat. Every few minutes, his continuous head bobbing is interrupted by either a sip of his “Adios Motherfucker” or by a mock lap dance from a stripper.

After three songs, Smith gets some air on the upstairs patio. He bums a cigarette from a female friend and relaxes onto a stool. He takes a long drag, the exhale enhanced by the frost in the air, and cracks a toothy smile. “It’s hot in there,” he shares with his friend. After chatting for a while, Smith opens his phone to expose a picture of a light-skinned young man, also with dreadlocks. It’s his boyfriend. Smith whispers, “Shhh, ‘cuz don’t nobody know he’s gay.”

Smith is just one of many “thuggish” looking young black men out on the gay bar scene tonight. The Bench and Bar in Oakland is overflowing with men who are mistaken for coming to see female strippers but are only interested in going home with one another. Some of these men, though not all, refer to themselves as “homothugs.” In their baggy pants and New Era caps, they hardly fit the image of the stereotypical gay man. These men know how and where to find each other, though their hangouts are well hidden. They present themselves in complete visual contrast to the lives they lead and are forcing people to think outside the box of what it looks like to be gay.

At 21, Smith has exclusively dated men for four years. He says, “Sometimes I do wear tighter pants, it just depends on how I’m feelin’ that day.” Even on days when Smith says he looks more effeminate, he never gets picked on. He suggests it could be because of his size, which is quite possible considering his 6-foot-1-inch frame is a bit intimidating. His image is not something he thinks about, it’s just how he feels comfortable.“This is just me,” he says.

Most of these men can carry on with their everyday lives without ever being pointed out as gay. Pete Richardson, an administrator from El Cerrito, says a co-worker was shocked to discover his sexual orientation. “I don’t look gay. Only we (gay people) can tell when someone else is gay,” he says.
Though some men found the term homothug unflattering, Richardson has no problem with it. He says, “It just means a rugged-looking guy who is actually homosexual.” Simple as that.

As it gets steamier inside the bar, the patio becomes more crowded with believable drag queens, handsome lesbians and pretty men. John Britton, 34, is a regular at the Bench and Bar. He’s sharing a cigarette with his boyfriend, whom most would assume is a friend, not a lover, based on the heterosexual vibe they exude. His boyfriend towers above him and has a healthier build with a clean bald head. Britton is shorter, with diamond studs in each ear, a fresh fade and gold chain around his neck.

For Britton, where he’s going determines what he’s wearing. Walking around certain parts of his Oakland community, he feels the need to dress in a way that will protect him from becoming a target. Britton says the black male community is “all about ego,” and ego doesn’t allow much acceptance for homosexuality. “If I project this image, I’m less likely to be bothered,” he says.

Britton has three children from previous relationships with women; the eldest is 15. He dated women until he was 22-years-old, which is a time he refers to as “a phase of suppression.” Now, he only dates men.

Tony Nugent takes long drags on his Parliaments. His caramel crocodile shoes dangle from the tall chair beneath his coffee colored trench coat. A diamond cross adorns his chest, matching the studs in his ears. He has the charisma of a man used to getting attention without much effort. He’s strikingly handsome, with a closely shaven head and well-groomed beard. As smoke clears away from his face, he catches the eye of a man approaching. An older man is flirting his way into a cigarette from Nugent. The two talk for a while, but Nugent has no interest. He already has weekend plans with a new “prospect” in Los Angeles.

Nugent, 45, has been dating only men since his divorce in 1996. He was married for 10 years, but his sexuality had nothing to do with the breakup. Nugent says he has always had an appreciation for the beauty of both men and women, but he wasn’t sure how to explore his sexuality until the end of his marriage. He’s had two serious relationships with men since then. Nugent prefers masculine men, stating in his wall-shaking deep voice, “If I wanted a woman, I’d be with a woman. I like a man who knows he’s a man.”

Even if these men are openly gay, their manner of dress and lifestyle keep them below the gay radar. Many of their hangouts are in alleys of heterosexual clubs that offer one “gay, black” night a week. They are elusive in their manner of attracting other men and depend solely on eye contact to determine whether a man is interested, or if he’s even gay.

This new phenomenon of men who portray one image but pursue an alternative lifestyle is open to interpretation. While Britton says it’s about how he’s feeling that morning, most other men say it’s about survival, meaning the trick is to avoid unnecessary bigotry while maintaining a sense of self and expressing individuality through their style. Whatever the cause may be, the effect is a less narrow view of the gay man, the black man, and the “thug.” And broadening a view can never be a bad thing.

* last name was changed