“How to Become Famous in Two weeks of Less” is Melissa de la Cruz and Karen Robinovitz’s gift: a how-to guide born of their blood, sweat and tears—for those who have been itching to claw their way to the top…quickly.

Part chronicle, part guidebook, encompassing both seriousness and humor, the book details the simple task the two were given as part of an assignment for Marie Claire: become instant celebrities in a place with more than 7 million inhabitants – New York City—in two weeks.

To achieve this, they “simply begged, clawed, lied, stole, and bribed their way to fame.” This includes doing such scandalous things as stealing a model’s cell phone in order to find the number to an exclusive party.

It’s a funny and entertaining hustle to the top for de la Cruz and Robinovitz, but miraculously they make it happen in the half-month time frame, getting photographed at top parties, rubbing elbows with A-list celebs, and enjoying free perks, like borrowed jewels and free designer clothes.

Here are some pearls of wisdom – some fantastic, others sad – that the ladies share with readers:

1. “The first order of business on your search for the spotlight is to start thinking of yourself as a product, a commodity and a brand.” People need something to remember you by, something that makes you who you are, and marketable. Think Marilyn Monroe’s platinum blonde hair.

2. “Bribe people (even strangers) to be your admirers.” Note: If you have to bribe people to like you, however, you might want to reconsider your future as a celeb.

3. “Always keep in contact with people you meet.” Contacts make the world go ‘round. Sometimes, it not even about how wonderful you are, it’s about who you know.

4. “When asking people for favors, do not be beneath begging.” Yeah, that’s right. You’ll have your picture taken by a photographer, but you’ll be lacking in the dignity department. Such an even exchange.

5. “Attend every event you’ve been invited to when you’re new to the scene. However, once you make a name for yourself and become recognizable – pick and choose your events carefully.” You want your name and face out there. But once you’re everywhere all the time, you get old…quick. I like to call this the Paris Hilton Syndrome. Be picky—act like your time is money and it will be.

“How to Become Famous in Two Weeks or Less” is all about kicking the door down to stardom. If used correctly, this lighthearted road map to fame and fortune can help even the most average Joe become a “somebody.” However, a word to the wise: unless you want to be another person who is famous merely for the sake of being famous, and you want staying power, you are going to need a solid game plan and plain ole talent. Can someone send Miss Hilton the memo?