Some women can have orgasms during sex; others need oral. Some like to wear kinky outfits and boots to get off; others prefer to just be naked. Some need lube and others become wet enough. Some have big, swelled lips and others just a diminutive little slit. But one thing is similar about our biology and our sexual prowess—the little knob that lies between our legs, amongst the folds of the labia, is the single most dense spot of nerves found on either gender, and the sole functioning of this little gem, the clitoris, is sexual pleasure.

I accidentally discovered this spot at a tender age, curiously gyrating on a pillow late one night when I was suddenly overcome with warmth, tingles, intense pleasurable contractions, legs and buttocks cramping, sweating, and the overwhelming urge to scream at the top of a mountain and tell everyone about this dizzy mystery sensation. But, I quickly remembered when the climax was done, that what I had done was unusual, shameful, and a bodily violation. I recall feeling such guilty feelings of wrong-doing that I was afraid a doctor would take one look “down there” and know that I had masturbated and would report this traitorous deed to my woeful parents, though the quiet exportation of my body and my vagina persisted into young adulthood, resulting in hundreds of orgasms.

And these misgivings about sexual self-stimulation transcend American society—a woman who masturbates is an outcast, and is lonely, desperate and unable to get the attention of a man. She turns to self-pleasure as a means of selfish fulfillment and immoral pleasure. During the Clinton administration, Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders proved herself progressive, outspoken and a frequent target for right-wing backlash as she voiced her ideas on drug legalization, sex and HIV/AIDS education. She was infamously dismissed in 1994 by President Clinton for remarking that “perhaps” youths should be taught that masturbation, as a method to avoid pitfalls of STDs, pregnancy, and heartache, is an acceptable alternative to sexual activities with others. A mere insinuation that masturbation would even be considered as an alternative was a radical notion for a nation that remained vigilant behind abstinence-only sex education, a silence on our biology that remains today with the Bush administration.

Granted, those bits and pieces may very well have been placed there for a reason by science or god or whatever you believe. It feels good when a pelvic bone or a scruffy patch of hair rubs up on it, and this does indeed serve to encourage us to get it on and reproduce. But is it a coincidence that you, all on your own, can stimulate this piece of your anatomy to an experience undulated pleasure? You can give yourself the most isolated and uniquely natural pleasures in life, all with the stimulation of a finger or a vibrating egg or a big huge dildo or by gyrating on a pillow, all without the help of another person. And why does our society label this behavior as unforgivable and scathing? What is it about the act of easing yourself of sexual frustration and indulging in something that requires so little interaction from the outside world that makes people uncomfortable?

It is a completely individual act that exists for one person, at one moment in time, and then it’s gone, leaving only a sense of relaxation, independence, and satisfaction, and it should never include guilt.

I’m curious why society is so scared of masturbation. Does it lead to complete independence from men? Will its acceptance in society cause women worldwide to discontinue intercourse and reproduction, thus causing the corruption of morals and cleanliness? Absolutely not! Because nothing can compare to that connection and the warmth and understanding of another human person. Just as nothing can truly compare to commanding your orgasm, understanding your natural given talent, and to owning the fact that you can tune out the world, turn on a sensual song, and get down with your Hatachi Wand.