The music is gawdy and explicit. While this South Bay Irish bar isn’t packed, it’s busy enough. We check the “sets,” pick-up artist (PUA) lingo for groups of women, finding nothing that gets our hearts pumping.

I’m accompanied by Matt, or “M,” my Jedi master, a 36-year-old corporate businessman who has practiced the art of picking up women for over ten years. He calmly approaches two ladies, a “two-set,” who are sitting at a table enjoying cocktails. You don’t want to close in like a squirrel snatching an acorn; it’s best to be nonchalant as if the women barely exist. My Obi-Wan takes a seat and hits them with a quick icebreaker—something to bring their guard down.

Using the fashion devised by Mystery, the “father of pick-up artists,” M guides me through the lusty world of the game.

M asks the women if they are best friends, a routine he uses to avoid alienating the protective friend. Amidst the blaring music and loud bar patrons, he reads their palms. He is trying to appear mysterious, and it works—one of the women twirls her hair and presses against him.

He later introduces his apprentice (me) as his “writer friend.” The noise is overwhelming but, as I’m told, I make fun of her sushi-print shirt and don’t tell her my name—under the pretense that she’ll ask me if she’s truly interested.

I tell stories, peppering in jokes to keep her hooked. M is holding hands with his lady, and she is whispering in his ear. I’m not having the same results, but given the last time I was in a bar, talking to a woman is a big step.

M asks her to list off interesting aspects of her life, the way an employer conducts an interview. As things heat up between them, he motions to me that it is time to go.

M spent his early twenties disappointed with his love life. “I was what we call an ‘AFC,’ an average frustrated chump, which I would say is ninety percent of all males,” says M.

As we exit, M heads back inside for a goodbye kiss. He walks his catch outside, but we don’t leave—she can’t seem to remove herself from him. It’s clear he’s done this a lot—over 122 times.

During my training, these types of nights are common. The process that men like M use to seduce women is referred to as “Solid Game.”
Solid Game is a three-piece pyramid, each a step to accomplish while chatting up attractive prey. The bottom piece is the “opener.” It could be a light-hearted question or a “neg” (PUA lingo for a negative insult), or a few words to grab some genuine attention.

These “negs” are one’s light-saber. A tool to slash through the natural defenses ladies put up when approached. M gave me a routine opener that, surprisingly, always works: “You know my grandma has that exact same purse. Where do you shop?”

The next step is showing value. This is where it’s okay to gloat. M shows value by reading a girl’s palm and telling stories of past hilarity. He wants to come off as dark and daring, shrouded in a fog of ambiguity. This is what works for him—each pick-up artist should choose his own way of showing value.

Stage three of Solid Game turns the table on the woman, making her show value to you.

“Never tell a girl she is beautiful,” says M, explaining a common mistake he feels men make. “A girl knows if she is hot or not. You have to make her show value besides looks. You need to let her know beauty is common.”

This pyramid is a mathematical formula that countless lonely nerds have pored over and analyzed in the pursuit of scoring.

It’s The Force.

This is why “peacocking” is key—a piece of clothing or jewelry that sticks out. Like a peacock’s dazzling plumage, accessories are used to attract a mate. M prefers a necklace with a large circular, red-jeweled pentagram. He wears simple silver rings, and his belt buckle is about the size of his hand.

Each person should peacock his best qualities. And this is why, today, we are at Claire’s Accessories—apparently my inner highlights are best represented by the stuff thirteen-year-old girls wear. By the time we leave the mall, I am adorned in two necklaces and a striped fedora with the word “love” embroidered on the side.

There is a fine line between trying to show one’s inner qualities on the outside and putting up a facade. And as far as M is concerned, the difference is negligible. From the clothes to the insults we make up, it’s all play that’s loosely based on a true story.

With my necklace and fedora, I feel that I am entering the dark side.

As we exit the mall, M sees a saleswoman who piques his interest. I stand and watch like a peeping tom, beginning to understand the power of The Force. He opens up by calling her a slacker—she is leaning against a railing across from the shop where she works.

Mall patrons hustle to and fro. M and his conquest lean over the railing. M uses body language, pulling back for her to lean forward, a mental tug-of-war. When she laughs she puts her hand over her mouth, and when M says something she’s eager to agree. I am one impressed padawan.

Over the nights spent with my master, we went to a few different bars and a restaurant. These watering holes were to be my dojos. M would take me to them routinely to practice Solid Game.

I usually failed. It wouldn’t be until weeks later that I’d get my first phone number. My problem? A sticking point.

A sticking point is a mental obstacle a guy can’t overcome when chatting with an attractive stranger. After a witty opener and a snappy “neg,” it was hard to keep my target interested in me. I could get a laugh, but beyond that I would flounder. While my jokes and one-liners gave me the confidence to approach women, inside I felt phony and sleazy. I am my own biggest cock-block.

In truth, it doesn’t matter how you approach a woman, whether you are playing Solid Game or being a gentlemen. You are trying to get laid. As if putting on a smile and acting like a nice guy is somehow more admiral than being yourself.

Most nights, I ended up standing around nightclubs watching women walk away from me. I could see the path to becoming a pick-up artist was going to take some practice. Even M took years to perfect his method. You’re kidding yourself if you think you’ll be having threesomes with celebrities overnight. The tactics people like Mystery and M use are mostly confidence boosters for guys who want a frame of reference. They can be changed to fit the mojo of practically any Average Frustrated Chump.