Being in a relationship isn’t easy. To make it successful, it takes commitment, compromise and effort on both parties in order for any relationships to last more than a couple of months. But what if both partners cannot understand one another, how is making one’s point possible? What about in a fight¬¬, is the couple even fighting about the same subject?

Korean Americans goes into a relationship with the same pressures and expectations as any other American couples in a relationship. But for Korean Americans dating Korean immigrants though—added cultural and differences as well as patriotic duties can make it that much harder for their relationship to survive.

“Especially in the beginning there were a lot of communication problems,” Aaron Hwang, second generation Korean American says about dating Lucy Lee, who has been in the states for almost three year. “Between languages, in terms of context, there are certain meanings. I’ll say something and she would interpret in a different way, we would start fighting about it until we realize that she just misunderstood what I said or I misunderstood what she said.”

In her perspective though, Lee found it difficult dealing with Hwang’s rationality, or in a sense, his mind-set. Speaking in broken English, Lee explains how Korean men from her country would try to appease the women, even if they didn’t do anything wrong to the other person. “They treat me like a princess, but he (Hwang) is very logical. If he doesn’t make any mistake, he does not apologize to me—that kind of thing I was not used to.”

Lee turns to Hwang though with an inquiring look. “I think I’m more demanding than American girls though.” Hwang asking what she means, Lee explains she could be more demanding about the attention she needs. “I’m not talking about money, I’m more demanding on taking your time…sometimes I ask him to help me with my homework and take his whole weekend.” Hwang reflective answers, “Yeah maybe.”

“I guess less independent was kind of a change for me,” Hwang says. Looking surprised, her voice rising Lee says, “I thought you said I am independent.” Trying to explain to her what he means, Hwang says, “American girls tends to need much more space and more time themselves, but with you we can spend all of our time together and you would be fine with that.”

Unlike Hwang and Lee though, Sarah Cheong, who have moved from Korea to the states when she was two years old, had something else entirely to worry about when she started dating Min Soo Kim, who she’s been dating for almost two years now.

“We basically avoided talking about it (her boyfriend Min Woo Kim) because we both knew what was going to happen and it would just make us more sad,” Sarah Cheong says. Eating her vegetable udon before her next evening class, Cheong recalls how hard it was for her to send Kim, an international student from Korea off to the military, which is mandatory for all men born in his country to serve minimum of two years between the ages of 19 to 35 years old.

Speaking wistfully, she says she did not realize she wouldn’t be seeing him for two years until it was finally time for him to go. “Everything I did with him, there was always something in the back of my mind thinking, ‘Oh, this would be the last time I’d be eating with him’.”

“First thing that came to my mind when I met him was, ‘Did he go through Goon Dae (army)?’” Cheong recalls. When she found out that he didn’t, Cheong says she couldn’t help but think if he was an American citizen, she wouldn’t have to worry about him going back to his home country or leave abruptly to the army.

Wonki Moon, also in the position of having to go back to Korea to serve in the military, is having difficulties deciding if he should postpone his service until he finishes his education or if he should get it out of the way. “Every decision I make is hindered by when I have to go to the army. For example, I want to buy a car, but it would be a waste of money if I have to sell it a year later.”

Cheong says Kim also debated if he should postpone his service to the army until after he graduates, but she was eventually convinced that it would be better to serve early and get it over with than postponing it. “By the time he finishes the service he would be 27-years-old, he needs to come back, finish his education and find a job and that takes time.”

Despite the language barrier and cultural difficulties though, Cheong, Lee and Hwang all say there are no regrets dating Korean Americans or Koreans dating Korean Americans.

“I have no regret dating an international (student) because we have the same personality and mind-set, it works for me,” Cheong says. Eating sushi now, she says of course there is differences in lifestyle—Korean immigrants being more conservative than Korean Americans who tends to be more open-minded. But Cheong says she didn’t find it as hard to date Kim because she is more traditional in a sense her family raised her conservatively.

“One thing I really like about him is that he respects me for who I am,” Lee says. Looking at Hwang, smiling, “I like that he is very independent and that he is very logical. My ex was very conservative and more dependent. He would tell me what to wear, get mad even if I miss picking up his phone call just once.”

“I’m Korean American and basically anything about the Korean culture I learn either through my parents, family or through media,” Hwang says. “Being close with her and interacting with her, kind of gives me more insight inside the culture than you could otherwise get. I think that’s a big advantage of it, I really like that because, just kind of learning about my heritage is really interesting.”